Author: Groucho Marx Page 2

I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Books Communication Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals Situations

Blood's not thicker than money.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Family Money Relationships

Madame Swempski: I don’t like this innuendo.

Groucho: That’s what I always say: love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

If I hold you any closer, I’ll be in back of you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Sex

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

Don't point that beard at me, it might go off.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

Die, my dear?… why that's the last thing I'll do!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Last words

You can leave in a taxi… If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff… if that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

Yes, and so is everyone else in the league.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Baseball Sports

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Intelligence Situations Understanding

With a little study you’ll go a long ways… and I wish you’d start now.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

I wanted to get a writ of habeas corpus, but I should have gotten a-rid of you instead.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Language

I think TV is very educational; every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Education Entertainment Reading/Writing Television

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

Well, I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Speech

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

P.S. Did you ever notice that ‘Peter O'Toole’ is a double-phallic name?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Hollywood Marriage Places

Anyone can get old; all you have to do is live long enough.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Old