Author: Groucho Marx Page 4

To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Books Communication Reading/Writing

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Men Women

I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Books Communication Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

I’ll see you at the opera tonight. I’ll hold your seat till you get there. After you get there you’re on your own.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

I could dance with you until the cows come home… on second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

I’m gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there’ll be no cover charge.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you… he really is an idiot.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Self Wordplay

Ambassador Trentino: I didn’t come here to be insulted!

Rufus T. Firefly: That’s what you think!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals

Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions Love Money

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing… if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Honesty Life Truth

Die, my dear? Why, that's the last thing I'll do!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Last words

Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Body Sex

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Government Marriage Politics

Why was I with her? … she reminds me of you… in fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions Laughter People Self

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Relationships Wives