Author: Henny Youngman Page 2

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one; it didn't come in until half-past five.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Sports

Bore: A guy with a cocktail glass in one hand and your lapel in the other

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
People

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Clothing Marriage

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive; last week she learned how to aim it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Autos Driving Things

Room service has an unlisted number.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Places

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Animals

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Family Work

You know what I did before I married? … anything I wanted to.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Marriage

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Situations Time

I live so far out of town, the mailman mails me my letters.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Places