Author: Henry Beard

Golfing: The art of using a flawed stance, a faulty grip, and an ugly swing to hit a small ball badly toward the wrong hole.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Sports

Drive: A shot that comes after the whiff and before the mulligan.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf; the other is "Wear it if it clashes."

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Activities People Sports

Hoeing: A manual method of severing roots from stems of newly planted flowers and vegetables.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Activities

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

Fairway: A narrow strip of closely mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

Bulb: A potential flower buried in autumn, never to be seen again.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Activities

A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

The only sport where you can spend an arm and a leg to break an arm and a leg. 

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Activities Health Sports

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

I never saw my mother up close.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Family Mothers People Self