Author: Homer Simpson

Aah beer, the cause of – and solution to – all life’s problems. 

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Even communism works… in theory.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Miscellaneous TV/Movie Quotes

They didn't have any aspirin, so I got you some cigarettes.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

I never apologize… I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Things TV/Movie Quotes

That horse had better win, or else we're taking a trip to the glue factory… and he won't get to come.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

We can hike anytime; this is our chance to see cars driving.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication Language Situations TV/Movie Quotes

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Conflict Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes War

You’re everywhere. You’re omnivorous.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

I'll make the money by selling one of my livers… I can get by with one.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, your cooking only has two moves: Shake and Bake.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Cooking TV/Movie Quotes

Operator – give me the number for 911!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

He's trying to hypnotize me, and it's not in that good Las Vegas kind of way.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Family TV/Movie Quotes

If God didn't want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Lies TV/Movie Quotes