Author: Homer Simpson

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

They didn't have any aspirin, so I got you some cigarettes.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Aah beer, the cause of – and solution to – all life’s problems. 

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

How is education going to make me smarter?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Education TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, your cooking only has two moves: Shake and Bake.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Cooking TV/Movie Quotes

God bless those pagans.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

I'll make the money by selling one of my livers… I can get by with one.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Arms TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, you know it's rude to talk when my mouth is full.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Facts are meaningless; you can use facts to prove anything that’s remotely true!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence TV/Movie Quotes

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Family TV/Movie Quotes

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Just sit through this NRA meeting Marge, and if you still don't think guns are great then we'll argue some more.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

If he's so smart, how come he's dead?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence TV/Movie Quotes

Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

My favorite kind of wild animal is on a plate.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations Stupidity TV/Movie Quotes

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes