Author: Homer Simpson

Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication Speech

I'll make the money by selling one of my livers… I can get by with one.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

I want to be alone with my thought.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence Thinking

I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations Stupidity TV/Movie Quotes

Operator – give me the number for 911!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

My dreams have been shattered into shards of a broken dream.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

What’s the point of having children if you can’t buy their love?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Emotions Family Love TV/Movie Quotes

If the Bible has taught us anything – which it hasn't – it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling…

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Girls Sports TV/Movie Quotes

Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People TV/Movie Quotes Women

Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty, to make a complete ass of myself.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, you can't keep blaming yourself; just blame yourself once, then move on.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Trying is the first step towards failure.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Failure Problems Situations

Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don't even get paid for the stuff they do?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

A woman is a lot like a refrigerator: 6 feet tall, 300 pounds… it makes ice.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes Women