Author: Homer Simpson Page 2

There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

If I could say a few words… I would be a better public speaker.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication Speech TV/Movie Quotes

Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People TV/Movie Quotes Women

If God didn't want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

God bless those pagans.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Arms TV/Movie Quotes

He's trying to hypnotize me, and it's not in that good Las Vegas kind of way.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Television TV/Movie Quotes

It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Lies TV/Movie Quotes

Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Things TV/Movie Quotes

I'll make the money by selling one of my livers… I can get by with one.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Television TV/Movie Quotes

I have a great new motivation technique, it is donuts, and the possibility of more donuts.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Good things don’t end in ‘eum,’ they end in ‘mania’…or ‘teria’.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication Language TV/Movie Quotes

My favorite kind of wild animal is on a plate.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

Donuts… is there anything they can't do?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Everything looks bad if you remember it.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Memory TV/Movie Quotes

You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes Work