Author: Homer Simpson Page 2

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

I wish God were alive to see this.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
God TV/Movie Quotes

I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Miscellaneous Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Arms TV/Movie Quotes

Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don't even get paid for the stuff they do?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

If I could say a few words… I would be a better public speaker.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication Speech TV/Movie Quotes

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children TV/Movie Quotes

Trying is just the first step toward failure.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Failure TV/Movie Quotes

Give me liberty or… Ooooo… a jelly donut!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Internet – they have that on computers now?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

The problem in the world today is communication… too much communication.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication TV/Movie Quotes

I never apologize… I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication England Language Places

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Entertainment Television TV/Movie Quotes

A woman is a lot like a refrigerator: 6 feet tall, 300 pounds… it makes ice.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes Women

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, I’m going to miss you so much; and it’s not just the sex; it’s also the food preparation.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

Even communism works… in theory.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Facts are meaningless; you can use facts to prove anything that’s remotely true!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence TV/Movie Quotes