Author Homer Simpson | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Homer Simpson Page 4

Kids, kids, I'm not going to die; that only happens to bad people.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Death TV/Movie Quotes

You can have all the money in the world, but there’s one thing you will never have… a dinosaur.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Money TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty, to make a complete ass of myself.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, your cooking only has two moves: Shake and Bake.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Cooking TV/Movie Quotes

If I could say a few words… I would be a better public speaker.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Communication Speech TV/Movie Quotes Public Speaking

Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Things TV/Movie Quotes Roads

Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

People TV/Movie Quotes Women

I have a great new motivation technique, it is donuts, and the possibility of more donuts.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

TV/Movie Quotes Donuts Motivation

Trying is the first step towards failure.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Failure Problems Situations Trying

I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes Bacon Vegetarian

I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Miscellaneous Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Aah beer, the cause of – and solution to – all life’s problems.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Beer TV/Movie Quotes

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

TV/Movie Quotes Prayer

Facts are meaningless; you can use facts to prove anything that’s remotely true!

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Intelligence TV/Movie Quotes Facts

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Arms TV/Movie Quotes Guns

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Situations TV/Movie Quotes

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Intelligence TV/Movie Quotes Understanding Apathy

When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Television TV/Movie Quotes

Internet – they have that on computers now?

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

TV/Movie Quotes Computers Internet

I never apologize… I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Self TV/Movie Quotes Apologize

Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive?

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Mind Self TV/Movie Quotes

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

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Author: Homer Simpson Page 4

Kids, kids, I'm not going to die; that only happens to bad people.

You can have all the money in the world, but there’s one thing you will never have… a dinosaur.

Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty, to make a complete ass of myself.

Marge, your cooking only has two moves: Shake and Bake.

If I could say a few words… I would be a better public speaker.

Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants.

Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

I have a great new motivation technique, it is donuts, and the possibility of more donuts.

Trying is the first step towards failure.

I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

Aah beer, the cause of – and solution to – all life’s problems.

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Facts are meaningless; you can use facts to prove anything that’s remotely true!

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!

Internet – they have that on computers now?

I never apologize… I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.

Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive?