Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Homer Simpson Page 4
All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
People
Self
TV/Movie Quotes
I like my beer cold… my TV loud… and my homosexuals flaming.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
You can have all the money in the world, but there’s one thing you will never have… a dinosaur.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Money
TV/Movie Quotes
American donuts… glazed, powdered and raspberry-filled; now how's that for freedom of choice?
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Donuts
I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Einstein
Trying is just the first step toward failure.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Failure
TV/Movie Quotes
Trying
If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why'd he make them so tasty?
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Animals
TV/Movie Quotes
Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Children
TV/Movie Quotes
Internet
If God didn't want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Gluttony
Good things don’t end in ‘eum,’ they end in ‘mania’…or ‘teria’.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Communication
Language
TV/Movie Quotes
All these guys with six pack abs, and I'm the only one with a keg.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Appearance
Body
TV/Movie Quotes
Abs
Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Drugs
TV/Movie Quotes
Fame
Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Alcohol
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Work
My favorite kind of wild animal is on a plate.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Animals
TV/Movie Quotes
Operator – give me the number for 911!
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
9/11
That horse had better win, or else we're taking a trip to the glue factory… and he won't get to come.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Horse race
I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Miscellaneous
Misspokements
TV/Movie Quotes
I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Situations
TV/Movie Quotes
Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty, to make a complete ass of myself.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
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