Author: Homer Simpson Page 5

He's trying to hypnotize me, and it's not in that good Las Vegas kind of way.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

A woman is a lot like a refrigerator: 6 feet tall, 300 pounds… it makes ice.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Everything looks bad if you remember it.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

What’s the point of having children if you can’t buy their love?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'd love to go to church, Honey, but I've got a lot of work to do around the bed.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I like my beer cold… my TV loud… and my homosexuals flaming.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marge, try to understand. There are two types of college students, jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Trying is just the first step toward failure.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Even communism works… in theory.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)