Author: Jack Benny

Modesty is my best quality.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Characteristics

A rich man is one who isn’t afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Money

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators… I left early.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Sex Time

I don’t want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Communication Money

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Eating Food/Drink

A cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Food/Drink

Timing is not so much knowing when to speak, but when to pause.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Entertainment

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Health Success