Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Jane Sherwood Ace
I’m completely
uninhabited.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Characteristics
Malaprops
Uninhibited
He has me sitting on pins and
cushions
waiting.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Misspokements
Situations
Needles
Waiting
I’m a member of the
weeper
sex.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops
People
Women
Gender
Weaker
Seems like only a year ago they were married nine years!
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Marriage
Time
I wasn’t under the
impersonation
you meant me.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops
Impression
Home wasn't built in a day.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops
The chickens have come home to
roast.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops
Wordplay
Chickens
Roost
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Relationships
Sex
Wordplay
Familiarity
The way things are these days, a girl's gotta play hard to take.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Relationships
Situations
Women
He shot out of here like a bat out of a belfry.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Mixed metaphors
Situations
Bat
Leaving
I look like the wrath of grapes.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Appearance
Emotions
Food/Drink
Grapes
I’m a
ragged
individualist.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops
Rugged
Well, you’ve got to take the bitter with the better.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Life
Bad
Good
Doctor, feel my purse.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Doctors
Health
I am his
awfully-wedded
wife.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops
Marriage
Wordplay
Lawfully wedded
You could have knocked me down with a
fender.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops
Astonishment
Feather
I don’t drink, I’m a totalitarian.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Alcohol
Characteristics
Food/Drink
Misspokements
Up at the
crank
of dawn.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops
Time
Crack