Author Jarod Kintz | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Jarod Kintz

A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Marriage Wives

We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches, but since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Appearance Hair Relationships Mustaches

I could tell by their audible gasps that people on the beach where jealous of me when I found six shark’s teeth; locating them wasn’t really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Animals Shark’s teeth

The look of love wears a blindfold and smells like the trunk of my car.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Emotions

I told her I’d wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who’d give me a ride home.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Relationships

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it; but first let me introduce myself.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Emotions Love Relationships

If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Activities Situations Hitchhiking

Love is what you make it; unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Emotions Love

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Emotions Love Situations Holding hands

If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Work

A tie would make a stronger impression on your boss if you used it as a blindfold and kidnapped him.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Appearance Clothing Situations Bosses Ties

I’m not a very good sleeper, but you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Activities Sleep

How could I confuse “I love you” with “May I take your order?

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Communication Situations

If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Emotions Love Situations

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector; and just as I suspected, my machine was broken.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Emotions Love Situations Lie detector

You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Emotions Love

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? … well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.

Jarod Kintz

(1982 – ) American author

Emotions Love Situations

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

Categories

Additional Categories

Oops...

Some Popular Authors

Author: Jarod Kintz

A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.

We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches, but since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.

I could tell by their audible gasps that people on the beach where jealous of me when I found six shark’s teeth; locating them wasn’t really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.

The look of love wears a blindfold and smells like the trunk of my car.

I told her I’d wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who’d give me a ride home.

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it; but first let me introduce myself.

If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.

Love is what you make it; unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.

If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.

A tie would make a stronger impression on your boss if you used it as a blindfold and kidnapped him.

I’m not a very good sleeper, but you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am.

How could I confuse “I love you” with “May I take your order?

If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector; and just as I suspected, my machine was broken.

You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car.

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? … well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.