Author: Jay Mohr

Remember the rules to dodgeball? … If you're fat or have glasses, don’t show up because you’ll die.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Sports

That shower massager makes a woman shake like a car on bad gas going up a hill.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
People Women

They're mad because they lost the Revolutionary War, and they should be, because there was only like nine of us.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
England Places

The guy that designed girls’ volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Appearance Clothing Sports

I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Golf Sports

I just lost 10 pounds on a new diet called ‘the flu.’

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Appearance Body Health

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over?… movie day

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Education Entertainment Film

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland; people in Scotland drink while they're drinking.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Food/Drink Places

She's Cherokee Indian, which is great 'cause whenever we have sex, it rains.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Sex Situations

Not everyone likes sports… Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Sports