Author: Josh Billings

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and give it to him.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Opinion

The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Honesty Lies

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can’t tell the truth without lying.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Poverty is the step-mother of genius.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Intelligence Money

It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People Work

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Family Women

The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Situations

There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Family Relationships

Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Intelligence

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence

Love looks through a telescope, envy through a microscope.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Love

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Health

Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Time

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Time

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is… the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money People

It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Intelligence Wisdom

Woman’s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Women

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Language

Some folks as they grow older grow wise, but most folks simply grow stubborner.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Age Old Wisdom