Author: Josh Billings

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Men People Women

Life is short, but it’s long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Life

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Accidents Money Poverty

Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Happiness Laughter

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Arms Entertainment Music

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn’t be any fun living in it, or profit.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence Life Money

When I see a man of shallow understanding extravagantly clothed, I feel sorry – for the clothes.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Clothing Insults Intelligence

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Honesty Reading/Writing

To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Language

It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Poverty Wealth

Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Time

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence

Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Characteristics Opinion

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is… the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money People

Woman’s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Women

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Family Women

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of a job.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Death Doctors Health

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Health