Author: Josh Billings

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication

To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics

Love looks through a telescope, envy through a microscope.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Love

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

Life is short, but it’s long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Life

There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Family Relationships

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can’t tell the truth without lying.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Happiness

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Appearance Insults

Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Time

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of a job.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Death Doctors Health

Some folks as they grow older grow wise, but most folks simply grow stubborner.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Age Old Wisdom

Poverty is the step-mother of genius.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Intelligence Money

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those we intend to commit.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Time

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is sea-sickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Language

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is… the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money People

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People