Author: Josh Billings

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Emotions Love

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Situations

The trouble ain't that people are ignorant; it's that they know so much that ain't so.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Intelligence People

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Appearance Insults

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

Some folks as they grow older grow wise, but most folks simply grow stubborner.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Age Old Wisdom

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Accidents Money Poverty

Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Happiness Laughter

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Family Women

As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Intelligence Wisdom

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Situations

It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People Work

Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Time

Woman’s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Women

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn’t be any fun living in it, or profit.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence Life Money

To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics

When I see a man of shallow understanding extravagantly clothed, I feel sorry – for the clothes.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Clothing Insults Intelligence

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those we intend to commit.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Time

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is sea-sickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People

I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Age Old Success