Author: Josh Billings Page 2

I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Age Old Success

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those we intend to commit.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Time

The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Honesty Lies

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Accidents Money Poverty

As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Intelligence Wisdom

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Time

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians

Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can’t suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Age Life Old

When a man makes up his mind to become a rascal, he should examine himself closely and see if he isn't better constructed for a fool.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Honesty Reading/Writing

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Family Women

The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Appearance Insults

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Happiness

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Language

The trouble ain't that people are ignorant; it's that they know so much that ain't so.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Intelligence People

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Health

Woman’s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Women

Life is short, but it’s long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Life