Author: Josh Billings Page 3

It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Intelligence Wisdom

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Situations

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of a job.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Death Doctors Health

Love looks through a telescope, envy through a microscope.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Love

The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Food/Drink Frugal Money

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Children Dogs

To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Emotions Love

It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Poverty Wealth

Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Characteristics Opinion

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and give it to him.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Opinion

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence

Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Love

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Language

Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Time

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Appearance Insults

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication