Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Kathleen Madigan
If man evolved from monkeys and apes… why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Kathleen Madigan
(1965 – ) American comedian
Animals
Science/Weather
Evolution
Monkeys
Kids… it’s like living with homeless people.
Kathleen Madigan
(1965 – ) American comedian
Children
Family
Homeless
My sister just got married; I was the maid of debt in that little event.
Kathleen Madigan
(1965 – ) American comedian
Marriage
Money
Relationships
Debt
Sisters
I am going to hell and I'm looking forward to it… I'll finally get to meet Madonna.
Kathleen Madigan
(1965 – ) American comedian
Death
Insults
Places
Hell
Madonna
I get those maternal feelings; like when I’m laying on the couch and I can’t reach the remote control.
Kathleen Madigan
(1965 – ) American comedian
Children
Emotions
Family
Maternal feelings
Remote control
I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store.
Kathleen Madigan
(1965 – ) American comedian
Places
Shopping
Dollar store
Mexico
I think, in 10 years, hell's gonna be the only place left where you can still smoke.
Kathleen Madigan
(1965 – ) American comedian
Activities
Future
Places
Time
Hell
Smoking