Author: Larry David

I hate myself, but being Jewish has nothing to do with it.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Beliefs Religion Self

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair; but a confident bald man… there's your diamond in the rough.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Appearance

If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable – but not as miserable.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Golf Sports

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
People

Women love a self-confident bald man.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Appearance Hair

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Food/Drink

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Situations

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Emotions People Self

I’d like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Dating Family Relationships

I was planning on my future as a homeless person… I had a really good spot picked out.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Situations