Author: Lee Mack

Two blind fellows walk into a wall…

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
People Situations

We’ve had to get a live-in nanny, ‘cos that dead one wasn’t working out.

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

I’ve got two children; to be honest I always wanted three children; now I’ve got two, I only want one.

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Children Family

You give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but you teach a man to fish and you’ve saved yourself a fish haven’t you?”

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Activities

I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died; ‘What are you doing here with that hammer?’

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

My dad, kind of bloke could read out a telephone directory and It’d be funny…to be fair, he used to do it with his cock out.

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Family Fathers

My wife, she’s carrying our first child… he’s eight, the lazy little…

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Children Family

A market researcher said ‘can I ask you 10 questions’, I said ‘go on,’ she said ‘question number 1 have you ever had a blackout?’ I said ‘no’, she went…’ and finally, question… number 10.’

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Situations

I’ve wanted to have a baby for about five years, but she wants one forever.

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Family