Author: Leslie Nielsen

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

We’re sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn’t dead then.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Captain Oveur: What is it, Doctor? What’s going on?
Rumack: I’m not sure. I haven’t seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

By the way, I faked every orgasm!

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I want a world where Frank junior and all the Frank juniors can sit under a shady tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-11 without an interpreter.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Dutch Gunderson: Who are you and how did you get in here?

Drebin: I’m a locksmith. And, I’m a locksmith.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Ed Hocken: I sent the note to the lab. They’re demanding one million dollars.

Drebin: Why would the lab demand a million dollars?

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

It took me two weeks to find Stella’s apartment. She had neglected to give me her address.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street, or sticking your face in a fan.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Those who the gods seek to destroy first, learn how to play golf.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Golf Sports

I’m sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn’t that right, Mr. Poopy Pants?

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you're finished.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Work

I’ve finally found someone I can love – a good, clean love… without utensils.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Drebin: Do you think you can beat the champ?

Briggs: I can take him blindfolded.

Drebin: What if he’s not blindfolded?

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Yes, golf can be taught – it’s just that it can’t be learned.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Golf Sports

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one-on-one with as little dribbling as possible.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Ted Striker: Surely you can’t be serious?
Dr. Rumack I am serious… and don’t all me Shirley.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Banquet doorman: Your coat, sir?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, it is. And I have a receipt to prove it.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

Looks like the cows have come home to roost.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Mixed metaphors TV/Movie Quotes

It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans; but this is our hill… and these are our beans!

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Life TV/Movie Quotes