Author: Lyndon Johnson

Any jackass can kick down a barn but it takes a good carpenter to build one.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
People

They couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if you wrote the instructions on the heel.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults Intelligence

Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm; there's nothing to do but to stand there and take it.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Animals Government President

Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults Opinion People

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy: first, let her think she's having her own way, and second, let her have it.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

He's a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults Intelligence

Better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside pissing in.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
People

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Intelligence Men Thinking

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read "President Can't Swim.”

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Communication

When I was young, poverty was so common that we didn't know it had a name.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Age Money Poverty Young

I don't believe I'll ever get credit for anything I do in foreign affairs, no matter how successful it is, because I didn't go to Harvard.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Government Success

The CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn't let them into the family brokerage business.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Government Money

I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults Intelligence

I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Characteristics Opinion

Congress

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Congress Golf Government Sports

The fact that a man is a newspaper reporter is evidence of some flaw of character.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Characteristics

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Golf Government Politics President Sports

Making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg; it seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Beliefs Communication Opinion Speech