Author: Mark Twain Page 2

New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions; next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Situations Time

An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Friends People Relationships

An ethical man is a Christian holding four aces.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Emotions Speech

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Intelligence Problems

It resembles a tortoise shell cat having a fit in a plate of tomatoes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Art Reviews/Criticism

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy – give one and take ten.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Communication Situations

If you substitute damn every time you’re inclined to write very your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language Reading/Writing

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Intelligence Life Stupidity Success

Man is the only animal that blushes… or needs to.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Emotions People

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Conflict Eating Fights Food/Drink Life Success

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People Self Success

Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Congress Fools Government Insults Intelligence

The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Happiness Intelligence Money Poverty Wealth

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Emotions

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink

Once you've put one of his books down, you simply can't pick it up again.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Reviews/Criticism

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to never practice either of them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
America Communication Language Places Speech

In India, ‘cold weather’ is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door knob and weather which only makes it mushy.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Heat Science/Weather