Author: Mark Twain Page 2

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Intelligence Life Stupidity Success

Be good and you will be lonely.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People Self

We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Success

One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Facts Situations

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People Self

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Sex

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Learning Politicians

Always do right; this will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Life Situations

Brooklyn praise is half slander.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Golf Sports

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Past Situations Truth

I thoroughly disapprove of duels; if a man would challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Conflict

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Characteristics Honesty Opinion Truth

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Death Intelligence Memory

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, it was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education School

In India, ‘cold weather’ is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door knob and weather which only makes it mushy.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Heat Science/Weather

A classic is a book which people praise, but no one reads.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Reading/Writing

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals; apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places