Author: Mark Twain Page 2

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Facts Honesty Truth

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Emotions

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Emotions Speech

Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Characteristics Communication Reading/Writing Truth

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Sex

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Death

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Money

His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there’s scarcely a hole in it anywhere.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Insults Intelligence Stupidity

I was born lazy; I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Work

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Individuals People Situations

When his time comes I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Insults

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Science/Weather

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

Education: The path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Intelligence

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Learning Politicians

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Conflict Fights

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Food/Drink School

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Honesty Life Situations

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Situations

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs God People