Author: Mark Twain Page 4

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Past Situations Truth

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity… another man’s, I mean.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Problems

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs God

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Emotions Speech

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah didn't miss the boat.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions; next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Situations Time

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Money

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Cats Education Learning People

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Situations

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language People

He would come in and say he changed his mind… which was a gilded figure of speech, because he didn't have any.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Intelligence Language Mind

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Money

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Sex

The man who is a pessimist before forty-eight knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Insults

Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication People Places

There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

The trouble isn’t that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn’t distributed right.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Fools Intelligence Science/Weather