Author: Mark Twain Page 6

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education

Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Communication Opinion

Familiarity breeds contempt… and children.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Children People Sex

Only one thing, is impossible for God; to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Government Law

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Food/Drink School

Carlyle said, “A lie cannot live;” it shows he did not know how to tell them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Communication Language Lies

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Sex

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Facts Honesty Truth

Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication People Places

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
America Congress Government Places Problems

We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Success

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don’t know anything and can’t read.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Government Intelligence People Reading/Writing

What a good thing Adam had; when he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d druther not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Health

A gold mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

Be good and you will be lonely.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People Self

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Intelligence Life Stupidity Success

Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Health Insults Places

I would like to live in Manchester, England; the transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Insults Places