Author: Mark Twain Page 6

Man is the only animal that blushes… or needs to.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Emotions People

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Age Individuals People

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Death Intelligence Memory

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Cats People

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Money

It resembles a tortoise shell cat having a fit in a plate of tomatoes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Art Reviews/Criticism

He would come in and say he changed his mind… which was a gilded figure of speech, because he didn't have any.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Intelligence Language Mind

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Honesty

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Speech Time

A gold mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Situations

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Insults

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People Self

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; this is the principal difference between dog and man.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Characteristics Dogs People

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity… another man’s, I mean.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Problems

The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Cold Places Science/Weather

Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Congress Food/Drink Government Law

Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Emotions Happiness