Author: Mark Twain Page 8

Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Health Insults Places

Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah didn't miss the boat.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine… (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Self

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; this is the principal difference between dog and man.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Characteristics Dogs People

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Learning Politicians

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

When his time comes I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Insults

Nothing seems to please a fly so much as to be taken for a currant; and if it can be baked in a cake and palmed off on the unwary, it dies happy.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals

He is useless on top of the ground; he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Insults

Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Communication Opinion

The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial “we.”

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language

What a good thing Adam had; when he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication

Familiarity breeds contempt… and children.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Children People Sex

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs God

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Family

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

Get a bicycle’ you will not regret… if you live.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities

A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Crime Government Money

Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Reviews/Criticism