Author: Max Kaufman

The trouble with incest is that it gets you involved with relatives.

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Family Relationships Sex

Among the things money can't buy is what it used to.

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Money Things

Alimony: Bounty after the mutiny.

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Definitions Marriage

Office hours are from 12 to 1 with an hour off for lunch.

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Government

I said to my wife, ‘Guess what I heard in the pub? … They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in this road except one’ and she said, ‘I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23.’

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Miscellaneous

The amount of sleep needed by the average person is five minutes more.

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Activities Situations Sleep Time

My son has taken up meditation… at least it's better than sitting around doing nothing.

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Relationships Situations

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late.

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Emotions Happiness Marriage