Author: H.L. Mencken Page 2

Every man is thoroughly happy twice in his life: just after he has met his first love, and just after he has left his last one.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Emotions Happiness Love

Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

The longest sentence you can form with two words is “I do.”

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage

Tis more blessed to give than to receive; for example, wedding presents.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics

A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Children Family Parents Religion

It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics People

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Emotions Women

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Conflict Emotions Love Time War

A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Places

He slept more than any other president… Nero fiddled, but Coolidge only snored.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Government Situations Sleep

A man always blames the woman who fooled him, in the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Men People Women

Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics

Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Democracy Government Politics

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Conversation Husbands Marriage Wives

Wife: A former sweetheart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Wives

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics

Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Religion Science/Weather

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Food/Drink

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage