Author: H.L. Mencken Page 2

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Food/Drink

In the duel of sex, woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Men People Women

A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Food/Drink People

There are two impossibilities in life: “just one drink” and “an honest politician.”

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Life Politicians

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Wives

It is hard for the ape to believe that he has descended from man.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals People Science/Weather

A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Age Reading/Writing

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics People

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Happiness Language People

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Wives

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Age Characteristics

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Conflict Emotions Love Time War

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Democracy Government

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Love Marriage Sex

Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Money Wealth Wives

A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Dogs Ideas Intelligence

Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Law

Lawyer: One who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Government Language Lawyers

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Failure God Success

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics