Author: H.L. Mencken Page 4

A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Places

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
America Golf Government Sports

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs God Religion Sex

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore; it is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Life

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Wives

There are two impossibilities in life: “just one drink” and “an honest politician.”

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Life Politicians

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Government Politicians

Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule – and both commonly succeed, and are right.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Democracy Government Politics Success

When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
People Women

If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Husbands Marriage Wives

Judge: A law student who grades his own papers.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Definitions Law

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse – as a man shoots himself.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Time

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Lies People Truth

I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Emotions Sports

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Conflict Emotions Love Time War

A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Dogs Ideas Intelligence

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians

The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics People