Author: H.L. Mencken Page 4

Happiness is the China shop; love is the bull.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Emotions Happiness Love

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Activities Golf Sports

For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution and it is always wrong.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Murphy’s Laws Problems

There are two impossibilities in life: “just one drink” and “an honest politician.”

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Life Politicians

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Food/Drink

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Government Politicians

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Art Democracy Government Science/Weather

Judge: A law student who grades his own papers.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Definitions Law

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Failure God Success

The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Government Money Taxes

Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics

Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Money Wealth Wives

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Happiness

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Marriage Men

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Conflict Emotions Love Time War

The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics

It is a sin to believe evil of others, but is is seldom a mistake.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics

Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
People

A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Dogs Ideas Intelligence

Henry James would have been vastly improved as a novelist by a few whiffs of the Chicago stockyard.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Insults Reviews/Criticism