Author: Mort Sahl

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies

A conservative doesn't want anything to happen for the first time; a liberal feels it should happen, but not now.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Government

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago, because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Death Places Politics

Those who learn nothing from history are condemned to rewrite it.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
History Time

Beverly Hills is so exclusive… their fire department won’t make house calls.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Hollywood Places

Will Rogers used to come out with a newspaper and pretend he was a yokel criticizing the intellectuals who ran the government; I come out with a newspaper and pretend I’m an intellectual making fun of the yokels running the government.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Opinion

I watched Ken Burns' Civil War series on PBS… my favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Age Old People

You haven’t lived until you’ve died in California.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Death Life Places

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock; in the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish; in the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black; in the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Dating Girls People Relationships

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Intelligence

If you maintain a consistent political position long enough, you'll eventually be accused of treason.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Government Politics

There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Appearance

Let my people go!

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Emotions Love Men People Women

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People Self

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People Self

Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter; if he ran unopposed he would have lost.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Elections/Voting Government Politics

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning 50 feet off shore, he'd throw you a 30 foot rope; then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics People

You’ve got to execute people; how else are they going to learn?

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Death Government Law

A conservative is someone who believes in reform… but not now.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Government Politics

I never met a man I didn’t like until I met Will Rogers.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People