Author Mr. Cranky | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Mr. Cranky

This film has all the energy of a rotting corpse.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Eddie”

Two hours of looking up at Marlon Brando's butt cheeks squashed flat against a glass tabletop would have been a preferable to this werewolf masterpiece.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Bad Moon”

To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Dude Where’s My Car?”

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Daredevil”

Barb Wire is unlikely to spark heated intellectual debate at film schools anytime soon.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Barb Wire”

Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman’s father said in “The Graduate”: ‘plastics’.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Empire” Denise Richards

Let’s see, Ben Affleck is stuck with Sandra Bullock in a small vehicle, and they’re driving all the way to Georgia. Is he going to fall in love with her even though they’re complete opposites? Holy shit, I think so.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Forces of Nature”

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”

While Stone may look good for her age, the reality is that such behavior in the real world would likely leave her less sexy and irresistible, and more partially decomposed.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Basic Instinct 2”

Another half-baked helping of the worst kind of scientific clap-trap.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “In Time”

Just three of the least-likable actors in Hollywood paired up with three total has-beens in an over-long, convoluted rehash of every “I hate my boss” plotline that you've ever seen. Except all of the funny ones.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Horrible Bosses”

In this day and age, there’s simply no good excuse for having that many children.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Cheaper by the Dozen 2”

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Daredevil”

You know, when the Devil’s spawn are susceptible to steak-knife attacks, evil has a problem.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism

Chain Reaction has more nifty coincidences than an identical twins convention.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Chain Reaction”

I’d rather spend my 180 minutes seeing how hard a 400-pound gorilla can tighten a vise around my penis before I pass out from the pain.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Boogie Nights”

“Flubber” is further evidence of the death of cinema.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Flubber”

If [Robert] Duvall can improve on his next effort, somebody might hire him to write and direct the return of the Police Academy movies. It would be a step up.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Assassination Tango”

This feels like it must have been the first draft of the script. In the case of Anchorman, if there's a completed first draft to be found at all, I'll lick a theater floor clean.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Anchorman”

There’s saccharine writing and then there’s writing that, if you could liquefy it and inject it into the five-year-olds watching this thing, would launch them into space. This is the latter.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Because of Winn-Dixie”

If an utter lack of effort had its own award show, the people involved with Baseketball could stand proudly next to the Yugo engineers and Monica Lewinsky's personal trainer as deserving nominees.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Baseketball”

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Author: Mr. Cranky

This film has all the energy of a rotting corpse.

Two hours of looking up at Marlon Brando's butt cheeks squashed flat against a glass tabletop would have been a preferable to this werewolf masterpiece.

To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Barb Wire is unlikely to spark heated intellectual debate at film schools anytime soon.

Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman’s father said in “The Graduate”: ‘plastics’.

Let’s see, Ben Affleck is stuck with Sandra Bullock in a small vehicle, and they’re driving all the way to Georgia. Is he going to fall in love with her even though they’re complete opposites? Holy shit, I think so.

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

While Stone may look good for her age, the reality is that such behavior in the real world would likely leave her less sexy and irresistible, and more partially decomposed.

Another half-baked helping of the worst kind of scientific clap-trap.

Just three of the least-likable actors in Hollywood paired up with three total has-beens in an over-long, convoluted rehash of every “I hate my boss” plotline that you've ever seen. Except all of the funny ones.

In this day and age, there’s simply no good excuse for having that many children.

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

You know, when the Devil’s spawn are susceptible to steak-knife attacks, evil has a problem.

Chain Reaction has more nifty coincidences than an identical twins convention.

I’d rather spend my 180 minutes seeing how hard a 400-pound gorilla can tighten a vise around my penis before I pass out from the pain.

“Flubber” is further evidence of the death of cinema.

If [Robert] Duvall can improve on his next effort, somebody might hire him to write and direct the return of the Police Academy movies. It would be a step up.

This feels like it must have been the first draft of the script. In the case of Anchorman, if there's a completed first draft to be found at all, I'll lick a theater floor clean.

There’s saccharine writing and then there’s writing that, if you could liquefy it and inject it into the five-year-olds watching this thing, would launch them into space. This is the latter.

If an utter lack of effort had its own award show, the people involved with Baseketball could stand proudly next to the Yugo engineers and Monica Lewinsky's personal trainer as deserving nominees.