Author Mr. Cranky | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Mr. Cranky Page 2

If you want to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Hollywood is a cesspool of whoredom and back-door deal-making, just look at the credits of the writers responsible for this monstrous piece of crap.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “X-Men: The Last Stand”

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet's laborious dialogue without collapsing.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “American Buffalo”

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Daredevil”

It’s like Isacsson wrote the dialogue to be performed by two sales consultants at a marketing conference.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism Down to You

In this day and age, there’s simply no good excuse for having that many children.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Cheaper by the Dozen 2”

[Director Michael] Caton-Jones has about as much understanding of symbol and metaphor as a sock puppet.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “City by the Sea”

Let’s see, Ben Affleck is stuck with Sandra Bullock in a small vehicle, and they’re driving all the way to Georgia. Is he going to fall in love with her even though they’re complete opposites? Holy shit, I think so.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Forces of Nature”

It’s truly rare that you see this level of insightful childhood psychoanalysis in a film about a basketball-playing dog.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Air Bud”

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Daredevil”

Anybody who refers to this film as “brilliant” is a moron.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “187”

Two hours of looking up at Marlon Brando's butt cheeks squashed flat against a glass tabletop would have been a preferable to this werewolf masterpiece.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Bad Moon”

Unfortunately, all Coach Carter taught me was that I can actually scratch the first four verses of Revelations into the back of a theater chair with my fingernail in a little under two hours.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Miscellaneous Reviews/Criticism “Coach Carter”

This film appears to be something of an homage to "Some Like it Hot", which is kind of like saying that a bum taking a crap in a dumpster is an homage to “Star Wars.”

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Connie and Carla”

This is the same old, tired crap that Woody Allen has been exporting for who knows how many years now. It's like drinking milk with an expiration date from the Reagan era.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism

I’m not sure who cast this movie, but the only way they could have come up with two duller performances would have been to have the two leads play their characters using sock puppets.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Head Over Heels”

The main character’s bout with cancer throughout 50/50 was nothing compared to the mental anguish I was forced to deal with as the 'plot' of this misguided medical morass unfolded before me.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “50/50”

There’s saccharine writing and then there’s writing that, if you could liquefy it and inject it into the five-year-olds watching this thing, would launch them into space. This is the latter.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Because of Winn-Dixie”

Director Ted Demme is a moron, and here’s why.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism The film “Blow”

Watching Bride Wars is like being dragged to your third cousin’s niece’s wedding, then finding out that they’re not even serving alcohol at the reception.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Bride Wars”

[Kevin] Spacey would have looked more believable playing Joan Rivers. I was convinced this was a science fiction film for a while because Spacey was wearing so much makeup I thought he was an android.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Beyond the Sea”

There is some serious venom spewing from this movie, probably because screenwriters Steve Franks and Tim Herlihy are beginning to realize their only talent in life consists of riding their friend’s coattails through the Garden of Mediocrity.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Big Daddy”

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Author: Mr. Cranky Page 2

If you want to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Hollywood is a cesspool of whoredom and back-door deal-making, just look at the credits of the writers responsible for this monstrous piece of crap.

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet's laborious dialogue without collapsing.

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

It’s like Isacsson wrote the dialogue to be performed by two sales consultants at a marketing conference.

In this day and age, there’s simply no good excuse for having that many children.

[Director Michael] Caton-Jones has about as much understanding of symbol and metaphor as a sock puppet.

Let’s see, Ben Affleck is stuck with Sandra Bullock in a small vehicle, and they’re driving all the way to Georgia. Is he going to fall in love with her even though they’re complete opposites? Holy shit, I think so.

It’s truly rare that you see this level of insightful childhood psychoanalysis in a film about a basketball-playing dog.

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Anybody who refers to this film as “brilliant” is a moron.

Two hours of looking up at Marlon Brando's butt cheeks squashed flat against a glass tabletop would have been a preferable to this werewolf masterpiece.

Unfortunately, all Coach Carter taught me was that I can actually scratch the first four verses of Revelations into the back of a theater chair with my fingernail in a little under two hours.

This film appears to be something of an homage to "Some Like it Hot", which is kind of like saying that a bum taking a crap in a dumpster is an homage to “Star Wars.”

This is the same old, tired crap that Woody Allen has been exporting for who knows how many years now. It's like drinking milk with an expiration date from the Reagan era.

I’m not sure who cast this movie, but the only way they could have come up with two duller performances would have been to have the two leads play their characters using sock puppets.

The main character’s bout with cancer throughout 50/50 was nothing compared to the mental anguish I was forced to deal with as the 'plot' of this misguided medical morass unfolded before me.

There’s saccharine writing and then there’s writing that, if you could liquefy it and inject it into the five-year-olds watching this thing, would launch them into space. This is the latter.

Director Ted Demme is a moron, and here’s why.

Watching Bride Wars is like being dragged to your third cousin’s niece’s wedding, then finding out that they’re not even serving alcohol at the reception.

[Kevin] Spacey would have looked more believable playing Joan Rivers. I was convinced this was a science fiction film for a while because Spacey was wearing so much makeup I thought he was an android.

There is some serious venom spewing from this movie, probably because screenwriters Steve Franks and Tim Herlihy are beginning to realize their only talent in life consists of riding their friend’s coattails through the Garden of Mediocrity.