Author Mr. Cranky | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Mr. Cranky Page 2

Andy has two problems common to most Americans: He's a moron and he's itching to get laid.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “An American Werewolf in Paris”

Thus, it should surprise no one that what's eventually expelled onto the screen resembles the discharge of an animal that's been eating poorly to begin with.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Along Came a Spider”

It's Melanie Griffith's best role yet… which is like saying the morphine shots are the best part about having first-degree burns over 80 percent of your body.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Another Day in Paradise”

You know when an actress like Claire Forlani starts making fun of other actresses for being anorexic, the film is operating in another dimension.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Boys and Girls”

There is some serious venom spewing from this movie, probably because screenwriters Steve Franks and Tim Herlihy are beginning to realize their only talent in life consists of riding their friend’s coattails through the Garden of Mediocrity.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Big Daddy”

While Stone may look good for her age, the reality is that such behavior in the real world would likely leave her less sexy and irresistible, and more partially decomposed.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Basic Instinct 2”

Watching Bride Wars is like being dragged to your third cousin’s niece’s wedding, then finding out that they’re not even serving alcohol at the reception.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Bride Wars”

The main character’s bout with cancer throughout 50/50 was nothing compared to the mental anguish I was forced to deal with as the 'plot' of this misguided medical morass unfolded before me.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “50/50”

At first, I thought the sword sequences were in slow-motion, but then I realized these guys just suck.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Highlander: Endgame”

If I had wanted to watch two hours of “VH-1,” guess what? … I would have stayed home and done that… for free.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Blue Brothers 2000”

Chain Reaction has more nifty coincidences than an identical twins convention.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Chain Reaction”

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet's laborious dialogue without collapsing.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “American Buffalo”

This movie is so badly acted and directed that it would have improved its seriousness significantly by casting finger puppets in the major roles.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Breakfast of Champions”

Unfortunately, all Coach Carter taught me was that I can actually scratch the first four verses of Revelations into the back of a theater chair with my fingernail in a little under two hours.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Miscellaneous Reviews/Criticism “Coach Carter”

It's probable that if a meteor landed right in the middle of Los Angeles, nobody would even notice. I say this because apparently nobody noticed that the first Anaconda sucked.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid”

There’s saccharine writing and then there’s writing that, if you could liquefy it and inject it into the five-year-olds watching this thing, would launch them into space. This is the latter.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Because of Winn-Dixie”

To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Dude Where’s My Car?”

If I were a cop and I had seen both Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer, I'd be at writer Kevin Williamson’s house searching it for drugs. If I didn't find something, I'd plant a kilo of heroin in his ass for writing this piece of crap.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “I Know What You Did Last Summer”

Captain America is a movie where nothing really happens until just before the very end, when the director accidentally filmed a few action sequences but made sure that the main bad guy wasn’t involved whatsoever. Then nothing happens, again, then roll credits.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Captain America”

This film has all the energy of a rotting corpse.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Eddie”

Another half-baked helping of the worst kind of scientific clap-trap.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “In Time”

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

Categories

Additional Categories

Oops...

Some Popular Authors

Author: Mr. Cranky Page 2

Andy has two problems common to most Americans: He's a moron and he's itching to get laid.

Thus, it should surprise no one that what's eventually expelled onto the screen resembles the discharge of an animal that's been eating poorly to begin with.

It's Melanie Griffith's best role yet… which is like saying the morphine shots are the best part about having first-degree burns over 80 percent of your body.

You know when an actress like Claire Forlani starts making fun of other actresses for being anorexic, the film is operating in another dimension.

There is some serious venom spewing from this movie, probably because screenwriters Steve Franks and Tim Herlihy are beginning to realize their only talent in life consists of riding their friend’s coattails through the Garden of Mediocrity.

While Stone may look good for her age, the reality is that such behavior in the real world would likely leave her less sexy and irresistible, and more partially decomposed.

Watching Bride Wars is like being dragged to your third cousin’s niece’s wedding, then finding out that they’re not even serving alcohol at the reception.

The main character’s bout with cancer throughout 50/50 was nothing compared to the mental anguish I was forced to deal with as the 'plot' of this misguided medical morass unfolded before me.

At first, I thought the sword sequences were in slow-motion, but then I realized these guys just suck.

If I had wanted to watch two hours of “VH-1,” guess what? … I would have stayed home and done that… for free.

Chain Reaction has more nifty coincidences than an identical twins convention.

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet's laborious dialogue without collapsing.

This movie is so badly acted and directed that it would have improved its seriousness significantly by casting finger puppets in the major roles.

Unfortunately, all Coach Carter taught me was that I can actually scratch the first four verses of Revelations into the back of a theater chair with my fingernail in a little under two hours.

It's probable that if a meteor landed right in the middle of Los Angeles, nobody would even notice. I say this because apparently nobody noticed that the first Anaconda sucked.

There’s saccharine writing and then there’s writing that, if you could liquefy it and inject it into the five-year-olds watching this thing, would launch them into space. This is the latter.

To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.

If I were a cop and I had seen both Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer, I'd be at writer Kevin Williamson’s house searching it for drugs. If I didn't find something, I'd plant a kilo of heroin in his ass for writing this piece of crap.

Captain America is a movie where nothing really happens until just before the very end, when the director accidentally filmed a few action sequences but made sure that the main bad guy wasn’t involved whatsoever. Then nothing happens, again, then roll credits.

This film has all the energy of a rotting corpse.

Another half-baked helping of the worst kind of scientific clap-trap.