Author Mr. Cranky | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Mr. Cranky Page 3

This feels like it must have been the first draft of the script. In the case of Anchorman, if there's a completed first draft to be found at all, I'll lick a theater floor clean.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Anchorman”

If you want to see what happens when independent filmmakers have too much money and don’t know what to do with it, just go see Bee Season.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Bee Season”

Think of Cowboys & Aliens as the wet spot on your mattress after a night of questionable passion. Everyone knows who made the wet spot, but no one wants to own up to it.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Cowboys & Aliens”

This film has all the energy of a rotting corpse.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Eddie”

Let’s see, Ben Affleck is stuck with Sandra Bullock in a small vehicle, and they’re driving all the way to Georgia. Is he going to fall in love with her even though they’re complete opposites? Holy shit, I think so.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Forces of Nature”

Unfortunately, all Coach Carter taught me was that I can actually scratch the first four verses of Revelations into the back of a theater chair with my fingernail in a little under two hours.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Miscellaneous Reviews/Criticism “Coach Carter”

Director Ted Demme is a moron, and here’s why.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism The film “Blow”

Two hours of looking up at Marlon Brando's butt cheeks squashed flat against a glass tabletop would have been a preferable to this werewolf masterpiece.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Bad Moon”

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Daredevil”

Just three of the least-likable actors in Hollywood paired up with three total has-beens in an over-long, convoluted rehash of every “I hate my boss” plotline that you've ever seen. Except all of the funny ones.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Horrible Bosses”

Andy has two problems common to most Americans: He's a moron and he's itching to get laid.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “An American Werewolf in Paris”

If I had wanted to watch two hours of “VH-1,” guess what? … I would have stayed home and done that… for free.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Blue Brothers 2000”

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”

The best thing about Chill Factor is that it’s over fast.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Chill Factor”

Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman’s father said in “The Graduate”: ‘plastics’.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Empire” Denise Richards

Captain America is a movie where nothing really happens until just before the very end, when the director accidentally filmed a few action sequences but made sure that the main bad guy wasn’t involved whatsoever. Then nothing happens, again, then roll credits.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Captain America”

It’s truly rare that you see this level of insightful childhood psychoanalysis in a film about a basketball-playing dog.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Air Bud”

Thus, it should surprise no one that what's eventually expelled onto the screen resembles the discharge of an animal that's been eating poorly to begin with.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Along Came a Spider”

There’s saccharine writing and then there’s writing that, if you could liquefy it and inject it into the five-year-olds watching this thing, would launch them into space. This is the latter.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Because of Winn-Dixie”

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Author: Mr. Cranky Page 3

This feels like it must have been the first draft of the script. In the case of Anchorman, if there's a completed first draft to be found at all, I'll lick a theater floor clean.

If you want to see what happens when independent filmmakers have too much money and don’t know what to do with it, just go see Bee Season.

Think of Cowboys & Aliens as the wet spot on your mattress after a night of questionable passion. Everyone knows who made the wet spot, but no one wants to own up to it.

This film has all the energy of a rotting corpse.

Let’s see, Ben Affleck is stuck with Sandra Bullock in a small vehicle, and they’re driving all the way to Georgia. Is he going to fall in love with her even though they’re complete opposites? Holy shit, I think so.

Unfortunately, all Coach Carter taught me was that I can actually scratch the first four verses of Revelations into the back of a theater chair with my fingernail in a little under two hours.

Director Ted Demme is a moron, and here’s why.

Two hours of looking up at Marlon Brando's butt cheeks squashed flat against a glass tabletop would have been a preferable to this werewolf masterpiece.

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Just three of the least-likable actors in Hollywood paired up with three total has-beens in an over-long, convoluted rehash of every “I hate my boss” plotline that you've ever seen. Except all of the funny ones.

Andy has two problems common to most Americans: He's a moron and he's itching to get laid.

If I had wanted to watch two hours of “VH-1,” guess what? … I would have stayed home and done that… for free.

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

The best thing about Chill Factor is that it’s over fast.

Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman’s father said in “The Graduate”: ‘plastics’.

Captain America is a movie where nothing really happens until just before the very end, when the director accidentally filmed a few action sequences but made sure that the main bad guy wasn’t involved whatsoever. Then nothing happens, again, then roll credits.

It’s truly rare that you see this level of insightful childhood psychoanalysis in a film about a basketball-playing dog.

Thus, it should surprise no one that what's eventually expelled onto the screen resembles the discharge of an animal that's been eating poorly to begin with.

There’s saccharine writing and then there’s writing that, if you could liquefy it and inject it into the five-year-olds watching this thing, would launch them into space. This is the latter.