Author: Noel Coward

Never trust a man with short legs… his brain's too near his bottom.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Appearance Body Intelligence

Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment Intelligence

Television opened up a whole new field of unemployment for him.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Acting Entertainment Insults Television

He's completely unspoiled by failure.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Failure Insults

Television is for appearing on, not looking at.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment Television

Having to read a footnote resembles having to go downstairs to answer the door while in the midst of making love.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Communication Reading/Writing

I've sometimes thought of marrying – and then I've thought again.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Marriage

“A WARM HAND ON YOUR OPENING.”

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Communication Wordplay

Success took me to her bosom like a maternal boa constrictor.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Success

I have a memory like an elephant; in fact, elephants often consult me.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Animals Intelligence Memory

It's a pity you didn't have a little more brandy; it might have made you more agreeable!

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Insults

Keir Dullea, gone tomorrow.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Acting Entertainment Reviews/Criticism Wordplay

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment Music

I can take any amount of criticism so long as it is unqualified praise.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Communication People Self

She had much in common with Hitler, only no mustache.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Insults

I see her as one great stampede of lips directed at the nearest derriere.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Appearance Insults

Criticism and Bolshevism have one thing in common: they both seek to pull down that which they could never build.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Beliefs Insults

I can't sing, but I know how to, which is quite different.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment Self

Success took me to her bosom like a maternal boa constrictor.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Success

She stopped the show – but then the show wasn't traveling very fast.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Acting Communication Entertainment Reviews/Criticism

If they'd stuffed the child's head up the horse's arse, they would have solved two problems at once.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Reviews/Criticism