Author: Norm MacDonald

The perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Wordplay

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
People

I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Intelligence Money Poverty Stupidity

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Entertainment

I don’t care for sex; I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise; I prefer sports, where you can win.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Sex Sports

There are only two categories in cliff diving; there's 'Grand Champion' and 'Stuff on a Rock.'

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Activities Sports

The prize on that show: another contestant.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Entertainment Television

Many people are skeptical about the marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley; they say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit-at-home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Insults

[on George Burns’s 100th birthday] I don’t know the secret to his longevity, but I think I speak for all of us when I say I hope Pauly Shore doesn’t know it either.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
TV/Movie Quotes