Author: Ogden Nash

He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else… and usually is.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Age People

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money Work

Don’t over-analyze your marriage; it’s like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Marriage

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
People Situations Time

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Dogs Things

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
People Things

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Situations Time

The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually beomes a cat.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Cats

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Emotions Happiness Money Wealth

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Eating Food/Drink People

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Characteristics Children Family Parents People

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Husbands Marriage Things Wives

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Accidents Life

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Intelligence Marriage Memory

Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore, And that’s what parents were created for.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Fathers Mothers Parents

Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Basketball Sports

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is enjoy earning it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Husbands Marriage Money Wives

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money People

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Marriage