Author: Ogden Nash

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
People Things

The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually beomes a cat.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Cats

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money Occupations People Work

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Communication Dating Relationships Wordplay

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Health Men Women

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Emotions Happiness Money Wealth

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Food/Drink

A little incompatibility is the spice of life, as long as he has income and she is pattable.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Money Situations Women

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else… and usually is.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Age People

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money People

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Situations Time

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Accidents Life

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Characteristics Children Family Parents People

I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Language Men People Women

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Husbands Marriage Things Wives

Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Basketball Sports

Don’t over-analyze your marriage; it’s like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Marriage

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Marriage

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Eating Food/Drink People

Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore, And that’s what parents were created for.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Fathers Mothers Parents