Author: Oscar Levant

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication Entertainment Language

I think a lot of Bernstein… but not as much as he does.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Insults

I smile so seldom that I wonder at Arlene Francis, who smiles persistently… like the Sorcerer's Apprentice, once she turns it on can she turn it off?

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
People Reviews/Criticism

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Government Politicians Poverty

When I was young, I looked like Al Capone but I lacked his compassion.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
People Self

I made a comment to a newspaper about therapists saying that people should not become dependent on them and it got printed as, "The rapists say . . . "

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You're only interested in one thing,” and you can't remember what it is.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Marriage Memory Sex

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Health Wordplay

I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Health

Tell me George, if you had to do it all over would you fall in love with yourself again?

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Insults

She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Characteristics Insults

I'm convinced that his voice comes out of his eyelids.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Entertainment People

When I can’t sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Books Insults Reading/Writing Situations

I played an unsympathetic part… myself.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Acting Entertainment

A dollar saved is a quarter earned.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Government Money

Epigram: A wisecrack that played Carnegie Hall.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication Definitions Language

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Memory

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Beliefs Characteristics Opinion

Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Emotions Marriage

So little time and so little to do.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Activities Time