Author: P.G. Wodehouse

If he had a mind, there was something on it.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Insults Intelligence

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Insults Intelligence

All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains; what good are brains to a man? … they only unsettle him.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Husbands Intelligence Marriage Wisdom

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Arms Sports

Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth; it is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Age Golf Sports Success Wealth

To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics Golf Sports

Why don't you get a haircut… you look like a chrysanthemum?

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Appearance Insults

He was a man who never let his left hip know what his right hip was doing.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Dance Entertainment

In boxing the right cross-counter is distinctly one of those things it is more blessed to give than to receive.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Boxing Sports

The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him; in no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics Golf Sports

The least thing upsets him on the links; he missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics Golf Sports

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics Men People Women

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of someone who had searched for the leak in life’s gas pipe with a lighted candle.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics Death

He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Golf Situations Sports

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Intelligence Memory

Golf, like measles, should be caught young.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Age Golf Sports

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers; unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Health Life

He died of cirrhosis of the liver… it costs money to die of cirrhosis of the liver.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Death Health Money

The usual drawback to success is that it annoys one’s friends so.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Success

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Intelligence Wisdom