Author: P.J. O'Rourke

The French are masters of ‘the dog ate my homework’ school of diplomatic relations.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
People Places

Keeping house is as unpleasant and filthy as coal mining, and the pay's a lot worse.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities Housework

Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Ideas Sex Situations

Compared to the Clintons, Reagan is living proof that a Republican with half a brain is better than a Democrat with two.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults Politicians

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Family Parents

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Books Communication Death Reading/Writing

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Children Family Parents

The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Government Politicians Work

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Housework Situations World

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Men Things Time Women

Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities America Drugs Education People

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Appearance Cats Clothing

A compromise in the sense that being bitten in half by a shark is a compromise with being swallowed whole.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Situations

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Food/Drink

Satan probably wouldn’t have talked so big if God had been his wife.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Marriage Wives

The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven’t yet figured out how to go to the bathroom in.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

Americans don't really understand what's going on in Bosnia; to them it's the unspellables killing the unpronouncables.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Communication Language Places

You can always reason with a German… you can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults People

The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults People

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Age Government People