Author: P.J. O'Rourke Page 2

To attract the most attention, a woman should be either nude or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Books Communication Death Reading/Writing

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Government

Compared to the Clintons, Reagan is living proof that a Republican with half a brain is better than a Democrat with two.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults Politicians

Why don’t you come over tonight? … our dog’s in heat.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Appearance Cats Clothing

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Food/Drink

The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven’t yet figured out how to go to the bathroom in.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

You can always reason with a German… you can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults People

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Housework Situations World

I’ve only been a New Yorker for ten years but the only people who are nice to us turn out to be Moonies.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
New York City People Places

Satan probably wouldn’t have talked so big if God had been his wife.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Marriage Wives

The French are masters of ‘the dog ate my homework’ school of diplomatic relations.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
People Places

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high-powered rifle and scope.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Beliefs Communication Opinion

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Government Places

It’s better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Money

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Age Government People

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Government Politicians Work

All bachelors love dogs, and we would love children just as much if they could be taught to retrieve.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Dogs