Author: Paul Lynde Page 10

Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… occasionally, a bull moose will hear the horn of diesel train and will run to it thinking that it is its lover?

Paul Lynde: And heaven help the conductor!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the movies, who gave the advice, “whistle while you work?”

Paul Lynde: It was either Paul Winchell… or Linda Lovelace.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Paul, the Rio Grande River separates Texas and Mexico.  What does “Rio Grande” mean in Spanish?

Paul Lynde:  El Washing Machine.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… cow’s horns are used to make ice cream.

Paul Lynde: You mean those weren’t chocolate chips?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul…champagne glasses were designed to resemble Marie Antoinette’s bosom?

Paul Lynde: And we have Karen (Valentine) to thank for the shot glass!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher says that he hasn’t had one in eight years, but he’s looking. For what?

Paul Lynde: Oh, an accompanist who takes MasterCard.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… NASA officials report that when Chinese vice-premier Dang visited the astronaut training headquarters recently, the one big question he demanded to know was… where the astronauts go to the bathroom?!

Paul Lynde: The answer was over China!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Your rooster has been fixed so that he no longer has romantic interest in hens. What is the proper word for him now?

Paul Lynde: Suicidal.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Lana Turner recently said, “I won’t do it because I haven’t stopped living my life by a long shot.” What won’t she do?

Paul Lynde: The Merv Griffin show.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is there anything an elephant loves more than a big bag of peanuts?

Paul Lynde: The love scenes in Dumbo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the Arctic, the most fearsome animal is the polar bear. What is the only thing a polar bear is afraid of?

Paul Lynde: A lonely Eskimo!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?

Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won’t go up to your your apartment.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, what did Little Bo Peep’s sheep leave behind them?

Paul Lynde: Well, Simple Simon thought they were bread crumbs!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the Bible, who was found in a basket among the bulrushes?

Paul Lynde: Colonel Sanders.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Glen Campbell recently stated, “Love to me is something you…” Something you what?

Paul Lynde: Purchase.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: A woman named Jane Grey has a place of history because of something she did for 10 consecutive days that few women have ever done. What did she do? Jane Grey?

Paul Lynde: Wasn’t she married to Eddie Fisher?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?

Paul Lynde: 11.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In a very famous movie who said, “God, what a dump?”

Paul Lynde: Dumbo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Why do sheep sleep huddled up?

Paul Lynde: Because Little Boy Blue’s a weirdo!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares