Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Paul Lynde Page 11
Peter Marshall: During the 18th century it was common for a bride to sell something at her wedding reception to help pay for the cost of the wedding. What did she sell?Paul Lynde: Her first born.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Who are more likely to be romantically responsive. Women under thirty or women over thirty? Paul Lynde: I don’t have a third choice…?
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: At the end of the movie
The Planet of the Apes,
what does Charlton Heston see that makes him realize that he is actually in New York City?Paul Lynde: A Puerto Rican.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, is it true that lightning once fused a man’s zipper shut?Paul Lynde: Yes, it was God’s way telling him to slow down.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the United States, what do we call the number one followed by 12 zeros?Paul Lynde: Dean Martin And The Golddiggers.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Ann Landers recently wrote a book titled “How To Tell The Difference Between Love And…” what?Paul Lynde: A kidney infection.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
Apartment Life
magazine, can you tell anything significant about the personality of a person whose apartment has brown carpeting, brown furniture and brown walls?Paul Lynde: Yes, their maid just exploded.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: A woman who is divorced, has a college education, and is nineteen-years-old is more like to have a certain ailment than anybody else. What ailment? Paul Lynde: The heartbreak of psorriasis.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Karen Valentine made her film debut in a film called “Gidget…” Gidget what? Paul Lynde: Gidget Gets Morning Sickness.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Sophia Loren has written a cookbook which will be published this spring entitled,
“Cooking With …”
Cooking with what?Paul Lynde: Cooking with a three-foot-long spoon.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Do we get heat from stars? Paul Lynde: You will if I have to share my dressing room again.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You're on a yacht, and you're seasick. According to Emily Post, should you tell your host? Paul Lynde: No, let him find out for himself.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to the old song, “At night, when you’re asleep, into your tent I’ll creep.” Who am I? Paul Lynde: The scoutmaster!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Who are Mark Trail, Steve Roper and Tank McNamara?Paul Lynde: Oh, you found my address book!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Would you be surprised to find some wood in your hot dog? Paul Lynde: No, but I’d be surprised to find some meat.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: A recent hearing, opponents of fluorinated water argue that too much fluorine in a persons system can cause an uncontrollable desire for sex?Paul Lynde (shouting): HEY CULLIGAN MAN!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, Poe’s
The Raven
said, “Nevermore.” What did Gilbert and Sullivan’s Dickie Bird say? Paul Lynde: Let’s not wallow in Watergate.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Whose motto is “Do Your Best?”Paul Lynde: I guess we can rule out Jimmy Carter…
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Something happened to Marlon Brando in 1955, and afterward he told friends he thought it would happen to Bing Crosby instead. What happened?Paul Lynde: Oh, one of Bing's sons asked him for money.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: From what animal do you get silk blouses?Paul Lynde: An animal to you, Peter, but kind and generous to me.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
Compton’s Encyclopedia
, when Columbus returned from his famous trip, he brought Queen Isabella six naked savages, some animals, some plants, and something valuable. What was it?Paul Lynde: I’ll say the six naked savages.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 11 of 13
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