Author: Paul Lynde Page 11

Peter Marshall: You're on a yacht, and you're seasick.  According to Emily Post, should you tell your host?

Paul Lynde: No, let him find out for himself.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: A woman who is divorced, has a college education, and is nineteen-years-old is more like to have a certain ailment than anybody else. What ailment?

Paul Lynde: The heartbreak of psorriasis.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene?

Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn’t have the right part?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What should you think when you walk into an apartment and all the walls and carpets are brown?

Paul Lynde: The maid exploded.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In Greek mythology, what would the god Morpheus do to you while you were asleep?

Paul Lynde: I don’t know, but I got an enchanted hickie.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: During the 18th century it was common for a bride to sell something at her wedding reception to help pay for the cost of the wedding. What did she sell?

Paul Lynde: Her first born.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: A western saddle has a curved horn on the front to hold something for the cowboy. What is it?

Paul Lynde: A passenger.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Your rooster has been fixed so that he no longer has romantic interest in hens. What is the proper word for him now?

Paul Lynde: Suicidal.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul, Gypsy folklore says that God created man by baking him in an oven.
Paul Lynde: [turns and looks at Black singer Leslie Uggams] Looks like you were overcooked.
[Leslie Uggams laughed so hard she was lying across the desk.]

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In television, who lived in Doodyville?

Paul Lynde: The Ty-De-Bowl Man.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the Shakespearean play King Lear, King Lear had three of them – Goneril, Cordelia, and Regan? Who were they?

Paul Lynde: King Lear had Goneril?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… many of our highways and railroads were built directly on the trails left by bison?

Paul Lynde: So that’s why the roads are so bumpy.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: We’ve all heard the old phrase “A pig in a poke.” What is a poke?

Paul Lynde: It’s when you’re not really in love.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?

Paul Lynde: He’s out of town.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Which performing team were the stars of Ed Sullivan’s first TV show?

Paul Lynde: Aretha and Benjamin Franklin.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?

Paul Lynde: 11.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: President Washington once said quote “I would rather be in my grave than in…” what?

Paul Lynde: Grant’s tomb.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the old song, “At night, when you’re asleep, into your tent I’ll creep.” Who am I?

Paul Lynde: The scoutmaster!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’re equipped with a pick, a sieve, and a shallow pan. What are you about to do?

Paul Lynde: Joan Crawford’s eyebrows.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Dale Evans recently revealed the three secrets behind her happy marriage with Roy Rogers. Now listen carefully… "We work together, we pray together and we're darn good…" What?

Paul Lynde: In the saddle.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

Peter Marshall: Would you be surprised to find some wood in your hot dog?

Paul Lynde: No, but I’d be surprised to find some meat.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares