Author: Paul Lynde Page 12

Peter Marshall: In one state, you can deduct $5 from a traffic ticket if you show the officer… what?

Paul Lynde: A ten dollar bill.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, is immorality contagious?

Paul Lynde: I know he was down with it for about a month.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Apartment Life magazine, can you tell anything significant about the personality of a person whose apartment has brown carpeting, brown furniture and brown walls?

Paul Lynde: Yes, their maid just exploded. 

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Why do sheep sleep huddled up?

Paul Lynde: Because Little Boy Blue’s a weirdo!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In baseball, there’s a special name for the area between a player’s knees and his armpits.

Paul Lynde: Aren’t you glad? Aren’t you glad?! AREN’T YOU GLAD… he used Dial?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In a famous fairy tale, a queen is bathing when a frog jumps out of the water and says, “Thy wish shall be fulfilled.” What was the queen’s wish?

Paul Lynde: She wanted the frog to talk dirty.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a company that will rent you a nude bartender for your party?

Paul Lynde: (sings) Set ‘em up, Joe…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The average child in China learns how to do it at age three. The average child in America never learns. What?

Paul Lynde: How to pull a rickshaw.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Sophia Loren has written a cookbook which will be published this spring entitled, “Cooking With …” Cooking with what?

Paul Lynde: Cooking with a three-foot-long spoon.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, who was famous for saying, “On King, on huskies?”

Paul Lynde: Queen Mary.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Experts say you should avoid sex immediately after… what?

Paul Lynde: Surgery.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Your rooster has been fixed so that he no longer has romantic interest in hens. What is the proper word for him now?

Paul Lynde: Suicidal.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What is a good reason for pounding meat?

Paul Lynde: Loneliness!


(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: To the people of Italy, what is “the poe?”

Paul Lynde: The opposite of “the rich.”

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… Guatemala once declared war on Germany.

Paul Lynde: Yes, and it's a good thing Germany never found out!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, why are forest rangers in remote locations ordering goats as standard equipment?

Paul Lynde: Because the sheep are wising up?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, true or false… studies show that women in their sixties have a more intense craving for physical romance than when they were in their forties…

Paul Lynde: Well, that's tough!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… your teeth are about the same size and shape as a pig's?

Paul Lynde: Look who's talking, Beaverface! 

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, is it true that lightning once fused a man’s zipper shut?

Paul Lynde: Yes, it was God’s way telling him to slow down.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher says that he hasn’t had one in eight years, but he’s looking. For what?

Paul Lynde: Oh, an accompanist who takes MasterCard.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The Atlantic Ocean is the major body of water on Africa’s west coast. What major body lies off Africa’s east coast?

Paul Lynde: Ex-president Mobutu.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares