Author: Paul Lynde Page 4

Peter Marshall: Julie Nixon Eisenhower recently told reporters “You don’t know what a relief it is not to worry about having them around all the time!.” What are “they?”

Paul Lynde: Mom and Dad.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: A recent hearing, opponents of fluorinated water argue that too much fluorine in a persons system can cause an uncontrollable desire for sex?

Paul Lynde (shouting): HEY CULLIGAN MAN!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Teddy Roosevelt maintained that he had something removed from two United States coins purely for the sake of art. What?

Paul Lynde: The bottom half of the buffalo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You are married in India. How did you probably meet your spouse?

Paul Lynde: We were fighting over a lima bean.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Who are Mark Trail, Steve Roper and Tank McNamara?

Paul Lynde: Oh, you found my address book!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’ve gone from egg, to larvae, to pupae. What’s next?

Paul Lynde: A shave and a shower and off to work!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?

Paul Lynde: I don’t know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Paul, the Rio Grande River separates Texas and Mexico.  What does “Rio Grande” mean in Spanish?

Paul Lynde:  El Washing Machine.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Richard Burton wants one very much, but Liz is reported to be afraid to give him one. One what?

Paul Lynde: The Certs breath test.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?

Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What?

Paul Lynde: An engagement ring.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Back in the 1870s, Emile Berliner invented something, and without it, I wouldn’t be able to do my job. What was it?

Paul Lynde: Let’s see… toupees? … facelifts? … contact lenses?… makeup? … capped teeth? … loud sports jackets?…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Something happened to Marlon Brando in 1955, and afterward he told friends he thought it would happen to Bing Crosby instead. What happened?

Paul Lynde: Oh, one of Bing's sons asked him for money.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What’s the one thing you should never do in bed?

Paul Lynde: Point and laugh!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, does Ann Landers think there is anything wrong with you if you do your housework in the nude?

Paul Lynde: No, but I have to be terribly careful when I do my ironing.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In one state, you can deduct $5 from a traffic ticket if you show the officer… what?

Paul Lynde: A ten dollar bill.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… according to the Bible, you are a sinner?

Paul Lynde: As long as they spelled my name right.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  In the movies, Frankenstein’s monster was always big and ugly.  And he had lots of scars.  What was his biggest fear? 

Paul Lynde: That the girls would be turned off by his big nuts!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You are leaving Hawaii by boat. Legend says that you’ll return if you do something. Do what?

Paul Lynde: I guess have Don Ho’s baby.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Imagine you are a child in your mother’s womb, can you detect light?

Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?

Paul Lynde: 11.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares