Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Paul Lynde Page 6
Peter Marshall: True or false… according to the White House chefs, if the President had his way, daily lunch would consist of nothing more than a sandwich and a beer.Paul Lynde: Even in public school?
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… in Egypt, they grow a special kind of cotton that is multi-colored.Paul Lynde: And white people have to pick it!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Robert Young recently stated, “I never, never give…” something to his fans who ask for it. What?Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You get a headache right after romance. According to Dr. Thotusen, is there anything wrong with you?Paul Lynde: No, but I need a softer headboard.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, in ancient Rome, bakers were required by law to bake something into each loaf of bread. What?Paul Lynde: A Christian.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to the old song, “At night, when you’re asleep, into your tent I’ll creep.” Who am I? Paul Lynde: The scoutmaster!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: During the 18th century it was common for a bride to sell something at her wedding reception to help pay for the cost of the wedding. What did she sell?Paul Lynde: Her first born.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In the Bible, King David asked beautiful and wise Abigail to do something after her first husband died. What?Paul Lynde: Get him out of the room.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher says that he hasn’t had one in eight years, but he’s looking. For what?Paul Lynde: Oh, an accompanist who takes
MasterCard.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Prehistoric man had two uses for sheep. One was for food. What was the other?Paul Lynde: Conversation.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Howard Cosell’s wife recently said in an interview that her husband tells her this at least five times a day. What does he say to her? Paul Lynde: Is my toupee back from the cleaners?
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
Apartment Life
magazine, can you tell anything significant about the personality of a person whose apartment has brown carpeting, brown furniture and brown walls?Paul Lynde: Yes, their maid just exploded.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Olivia De Havilland once sat on something in a movie that Roy Rogers says he grew to love. What is it?
Paul Lynde: A box of Milk Duds.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Miscellaneous
Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?Paul Lynde: Just enough to turn her on.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Back in the 1870s, Emile Berliner invented something, and without it, I wouldn’t be able to do my job. What was it? Paul Lynde: Let’s see… toupees? … facelifts? … contact lenses?… makeup? … capped teeth? … loud sports jackets?…
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What is a pullet?Paul Lynde: A little show of affection.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Nathan Hale, one of the heroes of the American Revolution, was hung. Why?Paul Lynde: Heredity!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to research at USC, is it okay for your marriage to fantasize that your wife is Farrah Fawcett Majors?Paul Lynde: If that doesn’t work, try Lee Majors!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, where at any one time will you find one quarter of the earth's population?Paul Lynde: Crossing the Rio Grande. (He pronounced it "Gran-dee," with emphasis on the first syllable)
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Sophia Loren has written a cookbook which will be published this spring entitled,
“Cooking With …”
Cooking with what?Paul Lynde: Cooking with a three-foot-long spoon.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Richard Burton wants one very much, but Liz is reported to be afraid to give him one. One what?Paul Lynde: The
Certs
breath test.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 6 of 13
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