Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Paul Lynde Page 7
Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… nylon is stronger than steel?Paul Lynde: But steel panties don’t turn me on!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In ancient times, after a battle, the losers would present the winners with a handful of grass. What did this symbolize?Paul Lynde: The losers were Mexican!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Lana Turner recently said, “I won’t do it because I haven’t stopped living my life by a long shot.” What won’t she do? Paul Lynde: The Merv Griffin show.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, the Rio Grande River separates Texas and Mexico. What does “Rio Grande” mean in Spanish?Paul Lynde: El Washing Machine.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Has a court ever awarded a woman half a million dollars because her husband was no longer able to leave her romantically satisfied?Paul Lynde: All the jury had to see was Exhibit A.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is there any such thing as an F cup in bra sizes?Paul Lynde: Yes, it sleeps four.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Prehistoric man had two uses for sheep. One was for food. What was the other?Paul Lynde: Conversation.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: In one state, you can deduct $5 from a traffic ticket if you show the officer… what?Paul Lynde: A ten dollar bill.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene? Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn’t have the right part?
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… according to the Bible, you are a sinner?Paul Lynde: As long as they spelled my name right.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
PhotoPlay
magazine, in their courting days before Frank Sinatra was successful, Nancy used to send him a glove with something in each finger. What? Paul Lynde: Soup.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, why are forest rangers in remote locations ordering goats as standard equipment?Paul Lynde: Because the sheep are wising up?
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is Billy Graham considered a good dresser?Paul Lynde: No, but he’s a terrific end table.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is there anything an elephant loves more than a big bag of peanuts? Paul Lynde: The love scenes in Dumbo.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You’re marrying a man who’s been married before. According to the book “Everyday
Ettiquette
, is it all right to wear a veil?Paul Lynde: No, I’m just gonna wear a baseball cap.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: You are leaving Hawaii by boat. Legend says that you’ll return if you do something. Do what?Paul Lynde: I guess have Don Ho’s baby.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What is a good reason for pounding meat?Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, where at any one time will you find one quarter of the earth's population?Paul Lynde: Crossing the Rio Grande. (He pronounced it "Gran-dee," with emphasis on the first syllable)
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: A recent navy picture had Admiral Zumwalt kissing Admiral Duirk. Why?Paul Lynde: Too long at sea!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other? Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, do most people sleep better in their street clothes than in their pajamas?Paul Lynde: Yeah, we call them winos.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Page 7 of 13
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