Author: Quentin Crisp

In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, possibly unemployable, actor.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
New York City Occupations Places Work

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Family Fathers Mothers World

No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Men People Women

To what do I attribute my longevity? … bad luck.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Age Old

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Language Men People Sex Women

An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Never try to keep up with the Joneses; drag them down to your level… it’s cheaper that way.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Miscellaneous

There's no real need to do housework – after four years it doesn't get any worse.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Housework Situations Work

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Failure Problems Success

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Children

When I was a child, what I wanted to be when I grew up was an invalid.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Characteristics

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Death Life

Health consists of having the same diseases as one’s neighbors.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Health People

The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Characteristics England People Places