Author: Richard Lewis

My family wasn’t very religious; on Hanukkah, they had a menorah on a dimmer.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

There’s nothing to fear but life itself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Fear Wordplay

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Love Time

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

Dealing with joy sometimes is more difficult than overcoming adversity if you enjoy self-loathng as a hobby.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions

She was hostile: you don’t have an orgasm and say to your lover, ‘Take that!'

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Relationships Sex

My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Self

Before sleeping together today, people should boil themselves.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

One of my uncles said that apparently at birth I snuck out… I thought maybe someone was following me.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics

I am much more comfortable in someone else’s skin.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self

As a child my parents said they believed in Santa Claus but that I didn’t exist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Parents

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Characteristics Sex

You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar, but either way you’ve got flies.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Proverbs

When I was a kid at my birthday parties my mom would say, “make a death-wish and blow out the candles.”

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self

It’s stressful being a hypochondriac. In my home I have a walk-in medicine chest.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

My nightmares have coming attractions.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Family Happiness

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Situations

I don’t blame my parents for my dysfunctions… I blame their parents.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Parents

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self Sex

I’ll take a vacation if I don’t go.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities