Author: Richard Lewis

Even at home, on my stationary exercise bike, I have a rearview mirror.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics

As a child my parents said they believed in Santa Claus but that I didn’t exist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Parents

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Family Happiness

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self Sex

My goal this year is to make love being naked.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

What’s a Jewish mobster?… ‘I’m going to break the legs of your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Conflict People

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

I never give advice – I give warnings to live by.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs

There’s nothing to fear but life itself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Fear Wordplay

Dealing with joy sometimes is more difficult than overcoming adversity if you enjoy self-loathng as a hobby.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions

My family wasn’t very religious; on Hanukkah, they had a menorah on a dimmer.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

The best tip for insomnia for me is not trying to sleep.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

I can’t do two things at once; I can’t have intercourse and enjoy myself at the same time.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness

I have lowered my expectations, sexually; I don’t care what happens in bed anymore as long as I don’t make any grammatical errors.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

My shrink told me that my happiness was stress related.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness Self

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

The first sentence that I was taught to say by my parents as a little boy was: “Of course I know that I’m wrong.”

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Communication People Self Speech

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions

There’s no place like home… that’s why I never went back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Places