Author: Richard Lewis Page 3

My family wasn’t very religious; on Hanukkah, they had a menorah on a dimmer.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

I'm the Descartes of anxiety; I panic, therefore I am.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics

If there is reincarnation and I come back as myself, I’ll kill myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Self

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

This greasy spoon restaurant was so bad, on the menu there were even flies in the pictures.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Food/Drink

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

My shrink told me that my happiness was stress related.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness Self

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

I don’t blame my parents for my dysfunctions… I blame their parents.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Parents