Author: Rick Bayan

Quality of Life: What an industrialized nation is said to offer when enough of its citizens are suffering from terminal stress.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Dentures: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Orgasm: The punchline some women just don’t get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Chic: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Necktie: A decorative noose worn by businessmen.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Clothing Definitions

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,614 times a day.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

State-of-the-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Job: A state of employment everyone wants but few look forward to on a Monday morning.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Negotiating: The art of persuading your opponent to take the nice shiny copper penny and give you the wrinkled old paper money.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Money

Shallowness: The root cause of chronic good health, high school popularity, appearance on the fiction bestseller lists, and gainful employment on local tv news broadcasts.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Houseplants: Vegetable companions; pleasant green pets that rarely bite or throw up on the carpet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Things

Clique: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Culture: The visible evidence of a tribe of bacteria, as observed by microbiologists or cynics.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Lottery: The equivalent of betting that the next pope will be from Duluth, or that the parrot in the pet store window speaks Flemish.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Neurotic: Sane but unhappy about it.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

There are no eccentrics in the suburbs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Intelligence People Places

Genetic Engineering: Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo. –

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Ideologue: Typically an obscure humorless zealot who finds fulfillment by spouting the ideas of famous humorless zealots.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Beliefs Definitions