Author: Rick Bayan Page 2

X-Ray: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Health

Negotiating: The art of persuading your opponent to take the nice shiny copper penny and give you the wrinkled old paper money.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Money

Positive Thinking: self-improvement through self-deception.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Intelligence

Chic: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Mirror: A truthful reflector shunned by vampires, hypocrites and aging fashion models.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Things

Clique: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Repressed: Sitting on one’s inner demon to keep it decorously immobilized, as practiced by lifelong Presbyterians or anyone who attempts to exchange pleasantries with a tyrannical boss.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Houseplants: Vegetable companions; pleasant green pets that rarely bite or throw up on the carpet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Things

Author: A writer with connections in the publishing industry.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Occupations Work

Orgasm: The punchline some women just don’t get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Professional model: cheekbones that sell cosmetics; hipbones that sell anorexia.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Appearance Body Definitions

Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Quality of Life: What an industrialized nation is said to offer when enough of its citizens are suffering from terminal stress.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Miscellaneous

Y-chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

There are no eccentrics in the suburbs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Intelligence People Places

State-of-the-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Hooker: A working woman commonly despised by people who sell themselves for even less.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Funeral Home: a stately manse occupied by transients who continually receive visitors but lack the energy and inclination to entertain them.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions