Author: Rick Bayan Page 3

Author: A writer with connections in the publishing industry.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Occupations Work

Lottery: The equivalent of betting that the next pope will be from Duluth, or that the parrot in the pet store window speaks Flemish.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Obituary: A final summation of our lives that, for most of us, occupies about three inches of space in what will shortly become cage liner for our neighbor’s parakeet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Death Definitions

Lawyer: A professional advocate hired to bend the law on behalf of a paying client; for this reason considered the most suitable background for entry into politics.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Government

There are no eccentrics in the suburbs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Intelligence People Places

Star: A performer who makes more than his or her agent.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

A middling mind always benefits from a lack of competition.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Intelligence

Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

X-Ray: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Health

Y-chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Genetic Engineering: Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo. –

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Culture: The visible evidence of a tribe of bacteria, as observed by microbiologists or cynics.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Orgasm: The punchline some women just don’t get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex